A wellwisher’s guide to Murali Vijay’s future

T20 teamilirundhu neekka pattaar. Odinen. One-day teamilirundhu neekka pattaar. Odinen. Test teamilirundhu neekka pattaar. Odinen. Kadaseela CSKvilirundhum neekka pattaar. Odinen odinen vaazhkaiyin orathukke odinen. Ranji Trophyavaavadhu Star Cricketla kaattuvaangangara nambikkaila thirumbi vandhutten.

 

Now that Vijay has been chased out of all corners he was occupying, as someone who has unending love for him, I most definitely worry about what he must do about his future. After great many hours of deliberation, I believe he must choose from the following options. And I authoritatively state that he must choose only one from the below and anything else he chooses for himself (like his batting performance of late) obviously does not work for him.

 

Vandhaarai vaazhavaikkum Tamil cinemavil nadikkalaam

 

Directors and producers will already be standing in a queue to cast him opposite the Trishas and the Anushkas of Chennai. Nanna Latchanama pasanga irundhaale indha thollai thaan. Story nalla irundha, role stronga irundha, actionukku scope irundha, foreign location la shoot irundha, unlimited orange juice irundha, accept panlaam. Aana, personally, en Vijay random girlsa romance panradhu enakku pidikkaadhu. So, nalla pullaiya iruppen nu enakku sathiyam panni kudutha, I approver.

 

Summer coaching class nadathalaam

Cricket irukkara nelamaila, nerayya parents pasanga Dhoni madhiri varanumnu aasa paduva (Ippo Prakash Raj vera yethi vitrukkare). Periyava aasaiya kedukkaama, kozhandhaigalukku coaching kuduthu (naatukkum sevai senju)munnethalaam. This also is ‘chinni kallu. Peddha laabam’. Oru summer coaching ku Rs. 10000, kit ukku oru 5000, tournament fees 3000, refreshments oru 2000 nu nalla parents kitta aattaya podalaam. Appappo pasanga selavula foreign tour kuda poittu vandhudalaam. Kris Srikkanth, Ashwin nu yaarayaavadhu inauguration panna vechutta double bonus.

 

MBA va use panlaam

 

Infosys, Wipro, TCS nu yengeyaavadhu Business Analyst velai vaangi overseas corporate teams ku coach aayidalaam. But aana, yevanaavadhu madhippaana nu paathukanum.

 

Commentary pannalaam

 

Look at this video I say. He will be a welcome change to the rubbish we all listen to in the name of commentary.

 

 

Onnume illainna, IPL la vandha kaasa FDla pottu, Coimbatore, Ooty nu settle aaydalaam.

 

PS: As much as I can take (and crack) and joke about Vijay, I sincerely hope he finds his form and gets a chance to be who he was the day I fell in love with him. A short story of the day here.

Twitter trauma!

My biggest crisis with Twitter is that I confuse between sets of people. Sometimes it’s similar handles, sometimes names, sometimes DPs and mostly just nothing realistic – but confusion prevails. Ignore it if you think I’m being narcissistic. If you can relate to it, please leave comments.

@vetti and @kickassiyer

How could someone confuse between such starkly different handles?! I did because they are both called Karthik. One generally has his picture as his DP and the other some cartoon (he could kill me for calling it cartoon, but anyway). One I’ve met more than once and spent quality time with, while the other I’ve had long conversations about his love life. The two are such different people and I still confuse the two. Hmmm.

@pavadanada and @davaratumbler

This, I think, is because both of them feature in my offline conversations with Twitter people. After repeated recommendations, I followed the two. For the love of my life I cannot differentiate between the two without conscious effort.

@Eml_a and @askabuska

This also has something to do with the people (off Twitter) who talk about them so often. But now confuse between @askabuska and @pavadanada as well. Sigh.

@4SN and @Vasudevan_K

This confusion happened when I was travelling to Chennai and both of them changed their DPs. Even now, I cannot trace back to how I know each person and what I have told them in the past. To make things worse, now @4SN has strange DPs.

@dreamydr and @neelavanam

This must have something to do with being dreamy and writing poetry. Over time I have realised one has recently become a doctor while the other is mildly aunty generation! :)

@18pattinaattaamai /@thekaipullai /@raghuthaatha

It took me a while just to figure out that they are all not bots and when I did, I followed them. But you see, when someone has a DP like @raghuthaatha has and a handle like his (his being male is an assumption of course), I can hardly think of him (assumedly) as a real person with real opinions. I always expect him to slam my mentions columns the way @APPATAKKARbot does.

@degree_kaapi is a girl. NOT.

My first memory of him on my TL was when he tweeted about his “favourite female characters being Shakti in Alaipayuthey and Jessi in Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya – both wore starched saris”. Proof enough that he is male? Don’t answer that.

Kanasemba Kudureyaneri – I’m not the only one!

Direction: Girish Kasaravalli
Written by: Amaresh Nudgoni, Girish Kasaravalli
Featuring: Vyjanath Biradar, Umashree, Sadashiv Brahmavar

The film won National award for Best Feature Film in Kannada and for Best Screenplay.

After college (at MIC, Manipal), I’ve not seen a Kannada film, that’s in over 5 years. Even in college, the only two Kannada films I remember watching were ‘Dweepa’ and ‘Hasina’. All along, trying to brush aside the beautiful nostalgia attached to Kasaravalli’s films in my life, I sat down to watch Kanasemba Kudureyaneri.

The film is about dreams – Rudri’s, her husband Irya’s and one that is theirs. The dreams are intertwined in the superstitions of the villagers, the materialism of a son, the death of a father and the stench of his dead body. Going back and forth in time, Girish takes us through the culture and belief systems of a village full of people.

Image Courtesy: Deccan Herald

Irya is a gravedigger. He dreams of the death of a man in the village and believes that to be true – so he takes off to dig his grave. When he is told that there is no death in the village, he is left devastated.

Rudri – his wife – dreams of Siddha’s arrival and she prepares a lavish meal for him. When he doesn’t arrive, she is also heart broken.

Back and forth, in two days, we see capitalism, poverty, ignorance, self-sufficiency, agriculture vs. industry, and many meaningful arguments weaved subtly into a realistic story. The beauty of the film of course is in the hope with which he ends the film. The cynic in me wants to diss it as romanticising real problems, but Girish leaves me with Rudri and Irya’s dream of cultivating barren land in the hope of a better life.

Afterall, aren’t dreams all we’ve got!

3

Director: Aishwarya R. Dhanush

Featuring: Dhanush, Shruti Haasan, Siva Karthikeyan, Sunder Ramu (Prabhu, Bhanupriya and Rohini wasted!)

This is a film by the next generation Tamil filmmakers (artists, music directors inclusive). Shruti Haasan, Dhanush, Aishwarya R Dhanush are all people who’ve seen cinema more closely than any of us would have in our lives. Yet, 3 is what they can produce. Sub-standard, unimaginative, insensitive and ridiculous load of trash that they’ve dumped in to three hours.

In the name of love

Ram (played impeccably by Dhanush) helps this girl who can’t help herself with her own bicycle (which happens in the real world, of course) and then falls in love with her when he is all of 16/17 years of age. The girl Janani (irritatating portrayal by Shruti Haasan) returns the favour and they are both in love. The first half of the film meanders across tuition classes, roadside conversations, slaps from the girl’s father and useless trip to Tirupathi.

Nothing in the film makes the audience feel the love between the two lead characters or any hope that the film is heading somewhere this way. The girl burns her passport (which has the Visa that her mother obtained after 15 years on burning herself outside the US embassy! Lolwut?), runs away from home asking Ram to marry her, apparently does nothing that could be called a job but cooks well, of course. The boy fails in his maths and chemistry exams in school, runs after this girl he likes (and scores well in Physics – the subject he takes tuitions with her), drives to Tirupathi without a license and uses an Aircel phone (one too many plugs this Aircel has paid for).

There is absolutely no love that I could see or feel between the two – no conversations, no happy moments together, no display of sanity or self-sufficiency.

In the name of marriage

No surprise that this love goes into marriage. Ram marries Janani and moves into this apartment that his father buys for him. They wait for both their parents to visit them before they have their “first night”. He promises never to hurt her and take care of her. She in turn reaffirms her trust that he would do so. He goes away for long hours, has a friend sleeping over every single day but Janani waits for him to die before she finds out why it is this way. Ram kicks their pet and kills the dog (unimaginatively named Tom). Unable to tell her what he’s done, he cries and she consoles him still not wanting to find out what really happened.

The Director has gone out of her way to beat stereotypes in having Ram and Janani’s wedding at a pub/ discotheque. Ignoring the fact that, though the venue is new, the thaali and the man tying it around the woman’s neck hasn’t changed, it is impossible to ignore that Janani wears Vibudhi (symbol of widowhood) on her forehead for a large part of the film post-interval. Strange are the ways we beat the norms these days.

In the name of mystery

The film begins with someone having been murdered. And then there are these scenes where Janani runs after what looks like Ram’s silhouette. Like most other scenes, this one goes nowhere too. But I refuse to understand the irrelevant plugging of such things to make the movie catchy. Dream sequence or otherwise, if the film is about a man with bipolar disorder, why make him seem like a ghost?

In the name of a ‘disease’

This is the scariest part of it all. Ram, in the film is dealing with bipolar disorder – which is pretty much mentioned as a disease. He acts like Chandramukhi Ganga (while the Doctor character clearly mentions that this is not split personality but bipolar disorder). He beats up friends, walks up to kill his wife, hallucinates and even forgets everything that he has done while he is in one of his fits. He refuses to ‘admit’ himself in a hospital and is worried about his wife “seeing him” with “fear” rather than “love”.

What’s more bothering here is how everything in this entire sequence is so unimaginative. All of the reasons for which he meets his extremes are so stereotypical. He breaks his friends head for merely telling him that he has a problem. He beats up people in a car park like a mad man left loose. He kills a poor dog. Even if I’d buy this for all of them are occurrences in the life of a man, his hallucinations are out of nowhere. There is no reason for why he is seeing what he is  seeing (a smoking kuduguduppandi-like person and a girl). To show us that these are hallucinations, these characters stand in the air and are coloured green. Duh! What’s even worse is that there is no apparent meaning to any of his hallucinations. If he is indeed hallucinating, why can’t writers think beyond two random characters. I am now thinking of Beautiful Mind and sighing. (Not to argue that Beautiful Mind is the best film in the world. Just the imagination of someone to fit one’s hallucinations into a film)

In the name of perspective

The entire film is shot from what I believe is a third person perspective. We are seeing the world not as Ram is seeing but as us watching from elsewhere. So, when Ram walks into the sea trying to reach Janani, I am not able to see it as someone suffering from lack of control over his emotions. I see it with fear that he is going to kill himself. All scenes where Ram hallucinates, loses his mind (and temper), hurts himself, I can never empathise with him because I am always wondering when he is going to hurt people around him.

If the intention of the film is to make the audience feel scared of someone with bipolar disorder, the aim is met. But if you want me to see it as a disorder that is bothering someone I know, you’ve lost your way by miles!

In the name of a film

This is just another flimsy attempt at showcasing a mental disorder that no one in the film making team has any idea about (or worse no experience with). Logical loopholes, perspective issues, meaningless conversations and irritating performances can all be dealt with if only Aishwarya R Dhanush had a vision about 3! Sadly, it falls apart!

Las Acacias

Director: Pablo Giorgelli
Writers: Pablo Giorgelli, Salvador Roselli
Featuring: Monica Coca, Germán de Silva and Hebe Duarte

What struck me as strange even before I got to watch the film is that this was one of the few foreign language films that did not have an English title. Las Acacias it was and it is, on IMDB as well. Can someone tell me what it means?

Las Acacias is the long truck journey of three people. Ruben, a truck drivers ends up giving a ride to Jacinta and her 5-month-old daughter from Paraguay to Buenos Aires. What begins as an uncomfortable journey goes on to be a beautiful love story.

To its advantage, the film has the beautiful landscape of South America playing the backdrop with immense character. For a considerable part of the film, we only see the faces of the characters, perhaps the steering wheel, leaving us wondering what the hell is the vehicle he is driving. Along the film, the frames become larger and portraits become landscapes. At this point, South America lends itself sweetly to the film.

There are so few dialogues in the film that I wondered if the dialogue-writer was perhaps underpaid. Lesser conversations happen in the film than in the viewer’s mind. Short sentences, matter-of-fact lines, realistic expressions and moderate emotions keep the film from drifting off in a tangent.

The highlight of the film, however, is the baby girl. She laughs, cries, sleeps, yawns and effortlessly make the audience go awwww. Watching a charming child is never painful and the director knew just how much of it could be made into a film.

In all, Las Acacias is a moving (literally and figuratively) love story: The meaningful relationship between two adults who can connect beyond mere words. The road trip that was an adventure in its own right. A conversation witnessed in awe by an audience. A road trip that every one of us went on.

The Kid With The Bike

The Europeans have an uncanny ability make magical films with children. The Kid With The Bike is one such film: the story of an eleven-year-old boy who is abandoned by his father and his struggle thereon!

The film begins with a boy in foster care (Cyril) looking for his bicycle and his lost father. Cyril is sharp, perseverant and strong. He escapes foster care, finds his father’s house, doesn’t believe anything until he sees it himself and goes a long way to find out the truth.

He is adorable, he makes you empathise with him and travel every inch that he travels on his bike. He makes you worry for him when you see him throwing himself into trouble and cry with him when he apologises in court. When he falls off the tree, you skip a heat beat and when he wakes up and rides off, you sigh in relief.

Samantha is introduced in a scene at a doctor’s where she tells Cyril “you can hold me if you wish but not so hard because you are hurting me.” She brings back his bicycle, he hosts him on weekends and even leaves her boyfriend who turns bitter about Cyril. She plays along with him, yells at him, calms him, cares for him and even once tries to her physical strength’s end to stop him from going the wrong way. When he hurts her and escapes, her helplessness translating to tears is as real as cinema can get.

Talking of gender stereotypes: All male characters are seemingly negative – The man in foster care is rough and only about business, Cyril’s father is nonchalant about his child, Samantha’s boyfriend is selfish and petty, the man who gets robbed (is forgiving in the beginning) but scheming in the end. On the other hand, Samantha (the only woman I noticed in the film) gives love, care and some money to take care of Cyril.

In all, The Kid with the Bike is the story of every little boy and girl, everywhere on earth and their own little struggles with life – highlight being the innocence we all would kill to have!

Day four and thereafter!

I was working at a retail store in the UK as a sales person. My job was to sell computers (sometimes to people who didn’t think a brown woman knew electronics) and make customers happy about giving us the money they did. That is the time I learnt to dissociate myself from the product I was selling. Then on, what I do was never who I was.

After more than a year and a half, I decided to speak directly to my customers today at my current job. This again was solving problems with people’s electronics. Nothing fancy – clear cache, use a different browser, log out and log back in, restart your computer and such like. But I spoke to about 75 students/ parents (that is 5 more than an average call centre employee is expected to do in a day), not a single one of them hung up disgruntled. Speaking to a happy customer is the most delightful thing in a marketeer’s life. It is one of those days I didn’t need Twitter to cheer me up!

And it is also the day when I’ve started getting mails and texts about my disappearance. @rathna_k texted. I was running and I got his text. I was overwhelmed. It is strange how people who you expect to care for you miss out and people least expected find ways to reach out to know. :D

And then of course, there is the person who thinks I’ve blocked him because he doesn’t see me on his timeline. Sir, that dappaangoothu I’ve been on about? Now playing for you!

<Dear @puneersoda, here is the DEI you asked for> :)

Day five

<@eml_a noticed. Whatte wow. I’m right here. Hiding. Watching you. Closely. More closely than I did when I was open about it>

Had a rough day folks. Not liking one bit.

<Thanks @vetti for the conversation and the weird company>

Day six

This is the day I feared. Celebrities looking for me on Twitter means I am conspicuously missing. @namefieldmt starts looking for me and the entire Team-Sornakka is having a conversation about it. Damn, I want to * slowly raise hand and say uLLen akka * But you see, now is probably not the right time. So, logs out sobbing.

To make matters worse, I (thought I) saw singer Devan on CHM Road today, with a thin girl looking for autos to get to somewhere. He was asking for autos dude. And the autodrivers were asking him to move on! Whatte wow, no, it is? I wanted to twitpic. So badly. Well, then again. You see. I mean.

On the TL though, I see so many sly tweets about the banana, the other banana, cheese being charming, someone being raped (I am assuming this is about being trolled and I do not want to start that argument about rape with the person who said this), someone being sweet-candy. Nalla velai. I am one of those paranoid people who thinks all sly tweets are about me. No need to pluck the nail. <logs out and goes back to the book she is reading>

Oh yes. And yesterday gtalk status had become the new Twitter. I contemplated posting some 20 different things as my status. By now of course, I know better than that. Tomorrow will be one week. That’s worthy of some kind of celebration, no?

Day seven

It is one of those lovely days where I had so much I could have Tweeted about. Women’s day and you know my obsession with HR activities. I had to resist so hard the fun Tweeting that came on days like these. Then of course, it was Holi. I got coloured twice, at work, during the working day. Ah! Never mind.

@degree_kaapi sent a wonderful text to let me know that he was missing me and the banter on Twitter. I really did not think someone who comes across as callous as he does will actually say such a sensitive thing! <lou is coming to me>

Then, I was at @psankar’s place for dinner tonight. His wife was among the nicest ladies I’ve met. She made a great dinner and was a lovely host.

@psankar on the other hand speaks more now (after marriage) than he did earlier. Beautiful conversations in Tamil – ah! Hadn’t I longed for speaking in Tamil to someone without being told ‘I don’t know of someone who speaks as much Tamil as you’.  Those conversations also make me realise that I think in English and I do not know what’s Tamil for ‘contemporary literature’.

Sankar, however, was very kind. He spoke such kind words about me and was saying such nice things about me. He gave my life’s sweetest compliment. He said to his wife that ‘if there was anyone whose life he wants to exchange for his, it would be mine’. I’m humbled. Really am.

Brought back a bunch of books and zero expectations about them. It’s going to be good fun reading, I think!

Then, @ramblinggeek (on gtalk) tells me “i was wishing you were not on one” about my Twitter break! Awww! :D

Day eight

Dravid retired. My timeline went mad with dedications, DP changes and such like. Oh God! That must have been some event on Twitter today.

I had a pretty normal day. Did a lot of work, went for a long training session, did awful amounts of work and came back home. I’m working tomorrow too and I am so going to be tempted to waste time on Twitter. Hmmmm. Must put some plan.

Day Nine

It is officially the day I became a social media case study! This @degree_kaapi plugs my blog to @anjujaison and hell breaks loose. @namefieldmt finds my writing and tada! Overflow of mentions. People telling other people how awesome I am. This is where v0yerism hits its best. I sit back watching people talk about me and am glowing in pride. Now if this @namefieldmt goes off on a break, I will be less of a celebrity, no?

<Slowly the infamous dappangoothu playing in the background. Logs off and goes to sleep> Actually, can’t wait for @atlasdanced’s sly tweet to blow up! Yeay! This is so much fun!

And @purisabzi, http://jdbentley.com/not-and-ought/ was indeed a good read!

Happy birthday, Karthik. Kiddo! * runs *

Day Ten

Sunday again. Fib (I like calling him that but it’s @fibnazi I’m talking about) and I were to go shopping today. After the cleaning, cooking and eating, I picked him up from close by and we hit Commercial Street. Who wudda thunk that there is practically nothing in Commercial Street for men? No, really. So, then, this @fibnazi eats like a glutton. Every half an hour he wants to munch on something.

After all the sightseeing that he did, @degree_kaapi came over. Mother of God, how much that boy walks! He made us walk from Commercial Street to Brigade Road to Cubbon Park (and a walk within the park) and then back to Commercial Street where my bike was parked. Phew! Running for the day is well taken care of, isn’t it?

I have to mention here that this @degree_kaapi is an extremely chivalrous man. He carried my heavy items, picked groceries for me and patiently waited at the billing counter. I’d put up with all his ragging and some more for the nice guy (I think) he is. Yeah. He brought up @iRatzzz (Is that the right number of zs there?) name again. He’s been doing that every time I met him. Ah! #JustSaying

<Two days later, I return to Twitter. That story will follow.>

Day three

<The diary of a Twitter v0yeur – day three> If you don’t know what this means, you’ll probably have to read the previous posts tagged <the diary of a twitter v0yeur>

Ayyo. Sunday. This is the time when the #knowledgeableChennaiCrowd is talking about the fantastic-ness of the Sunday coffee. Ayyo. I have no plans and can think of nothing to do.

I slyly log in to Twitter first thing in the morning. Nobody cared. All the flirts on my timeline are happily flirting away. All the people I am fond of are talking to people they are fond of. All the link sharers are sharing links. People are still sly tweeting. Some are still outraging. #ananthaisstillamazing #msnarainisstillhot

#Sigh

I go back and watch Midnight in Paris – one of Woody Allen’s gems. When you watch a movie that makes you immensely happy, what do you do? Ten points! Tweet about it! I slyly log in again. Nada! Log out.

I write about it. And return to watching the next scheduled film of the day. The help. Half way through the film, I get a threatening blackmail call from someone. Che! Mood off. When in crisis, what do you so? #WellOfcourse Tweet about it and ask for help. #ThenAgain I am off Twitter you see? I go to sleep mighty pissed. <Desperately hoping this threat wouldn’t be the biggest problem of my near future, potential there definitely is>

I wake up and check mail. Damn! That awkward moment when you get a mail from someone from Twitter asking you why you’ve suddenly disappeared from Twitter – the mail you were hoping wouldn’t come. Argh. Mood off. I want to go back. No. Reply to mail and finish the movie you left midway.

Also today is the day @tecoholic told me that without me, his timeline has no charm. Hi @tecoholic! I didn’t think we’ve met. That’s the nicest thing I’ve heard in a long time. I appreciate it. Much. :D

EOD.

Day Two

<The diary of a Twitter v0yeur – day two> If you don’t know what this means, you’ll probably have to read the previous posts tagged <the diary of a twitter v0yeur>

It was a Saturday and hell, what else to people do on Saturdays than tweet about it? I decided to take care of some chores. The ever satisfying cleaning, dish-washing, ironing and the like. When on the verge of Tweeting my boredom away, I got this idea of learning to ride a geared bike that I’ve been dreaming of for over 7 years now. Bugged Umesh and began.

Whatte wow that was! For the 30 or so minutes that I rode the bike, there were 3 things on my mind.

  1. Break below my feet
  2. Clutch in my left hand will not stop the bike
  3. I have two right feet and I can’t change gears to save my life.

I got back without a scratch but there was an epiphany! You can keep your mind off anything in this world while you are learning something new that could potentially kill you (okay, hurt you).

I came back and saw @kkarthik had found me missing (yes, the language is intentional). Told him I am off for a while and ended that polite conversation. I am beaming in joy inside. It has been three days and someone actually noticed! Yeay!

Ilamai – A man’s point of view

It’s one of those hep hero introduction songs that the man sings in the bathroom while washing his hair. There are plenty like this in Tamil cinema. This gem popped out while my iPod was shuffling songs! This is such Whatte wow!

Song: Ilamai vidugadhai

Film: Varalaaru (Godfather)

Music Director: A R Rahman (who also rendered two more remix versions of this gem)

Lyricist: Vairamuthu

And literally it translates to this!

Youth is a riddle (#ok)
Women are answers (yes, they have no youth of their own)
How many parrots in cages in Tamilnadu (oh, women can fly)
Each one of them should come home (fly home, of course)
Through the night, spread your wings and talk poetry (that so doesn’t sound right!)
When it is morning, I will hide it, you go (or something to that effect)

Youth is a riddle
Women are answers (#ok)

A satellite would know the treasure hidden in the ground (#whatte)
Only nature would know the treasure hidden in a woman (I’ve heard worse about treasure being dug out, I swear)
Oh female breeze, show me the cold sides of your hot body (sensuality, is it?)
My eyes are on your chest (#honest)
I had decided to live like Lord Ram post marriage (And?)
Until then of course, I have begun my efforts towards living like Lord Dasarathan! (Mythology mess)

Youth is a riddle
Women are answers (#ok)

I am your hero (What’s new)
But I am the villain for your clothes (That!)
If I touch your love organ (Uh huh?)
Your shyness would break (Sure)
On the chest there is much, why aren’t you generous, don’t kill me, come running to plant the root on my chest (Sorry?)
Let the distance between us both be filled with kisses (Lolwut?)
Let the wrinkles in our hearts be ironed out by our lips (ok. That’s it)

Oh oh oh oh sophiya maalika fouziya oh oh yaashika! (Caste no bar. Religion no bar.)

<And the loop>